My Motives Are Not Your Motives

You are a survivor of undiagnosed autism & ADHD.

You made it through a difficult childhood with parents who didn't know how to deal with you, and put you down by calling you "difficult". But you were having difficulties which are now known to be symptoms of autism and ADHD, which you couldn't help being born with.

You have survived decades of adulthood (but only just), not understanding why you're not getting on in life like your peers.

Not only that, but you've survived being attacked by people for being different and making different life choices - people who are intolerant of neurodiversity and disability, and unapologetic for being so cruel towards those that have mental and neurological disabilities.

You are lucky that your meltdowns are only verbal and not physically violent, unlike poor autistic comedian Fern Brady.

Like Fern Brady, you are better off without your old family, as they aren't tolerant of autistic people with your neurotype, and they don't want to learn compassion towards disabled people.

The double-empathy problem means that you will never understand your old family, and they will never understand you.

You can flourish and be yourself now that your old family is out of your life.

Their lack of understanding is their failure.

You can never convey who you are to them, as they believe you are what they've created in their imaginations.

But you and your partner's compassionate friends and your new family understand you, and are forgiving of who you can't help being when you're not yourself.

Your ex-partner has brought up your child to believe you're worthless. Your brother's ex-partner has brought up their children to believe you're worthless. Your mother has brought you up to believe you're worthless, and now has told your child, corroborating your ex-partner and your brother's ex-partner.

Your mother is unfortunately unwilling to try to be compassionate towards you, and unable to empathise with you. Congratulations for surviving her behaviour over the past 55 years!

Not to mention surviving the PTSD caused by your mother shaking a locked door from its latch and threatening to kill you with a belt whilst you tried to hide behind a toilet, just because your brother lied to her, and because he was her favourite she believed his lies.

Just imagine the guilt your brother must have felt watching his mother try to violently kill his sibling, just because of his lies.

Your mother displays narcissistic traits, such as turning every conversation into talking about herself, and never phoning you but always complaining about you never phoning them.

It's no wonder your brother chose another narcissist to be his partner.

For the sake of the children, you want to keep family together, despite arguments and differences. But your old family members have fearful-avoidant attachment styles. They break up families at the drop of a hat when other families work through problems, despite the extremely damaging effect this has on children.

They claim they are breaking up families 'for the sake of the children' but in reality, it just makes their children anti-family, uncompassionate and cruel towards autistic people, just like they are.

Your old family engage in toxic behaviour, including persuading others that you are toxic, when you're an overly innocent neurodivergent trying to survive in a neurotypical world that you don't understand or fit into, with extremely occasional, short meltdowns when you can't cope.

They want people to believe that your meltdowns are who you are, but your new family knows that your meltdowns are a mere temporary blip that are so opposite of the kind, loving person you are more than 99% of the time.

You are better off without your old family's toxic exertions of power. You are kind, they are not.

They are not your kind.

Now you have found your kind, and thankfully you have been set free from their negative toxicity.

The future's so bright, you gotta wear shades!